The Cost of Connection: Why Adult Friendships Are Worth The Effort
Let’s be honest—adult friendships are weird.
They’re awkward. They take time. They require intentionality. At times, they feel like dating… but without the romance.
It goes something like:
“Hey, I kind of like you. You kind of like me. Want to go golfing? Grab coffee? Have dinner with the families?”
Yeah. Awkward.
And yet, deep down, most of us long for meaningful connection. Whether you’re a quiet introvert looking for your 2 a.m. ride-or-die, or an extrovert trying to build a friend group that fills an entire group chat—we all want to belong somewhere.
The Cost of Friendship (and the Higher Cost of Loneliness)
Like anything good in life, adult friendships come at a cost—your time, energy, convenience, and even your comfort. Building trust and memories takes time. Vulnerability doesn’t happen overnight. But here’s the thing:
Friendships cost us—but loneliness costs more.
To be surrounded by people but still feel unknown is one of the most painful experiences. And in a world that is more digitally connected than ever, we are more relationally isolated than ever.
We see the impact everywhere. Mental health. Emotional well-being. Spiritual depth. It all suffers when we feel like we’re doing life alone.
At our church, we recently partnered with Barna to survey over 500 people in our community. While many reported having strong, meaningful relationships, there were still far too many who said they’re just “looking for their people.”
So, what’s missing?
The Two Sides of Connection: Opportunity and Commitment
If we’re going to pursue meaningful connection, we have to understand something important:
Connection is like a coin with two sides—Opportunity and Commitment.
- Opportunity
Opportunities come in all forms: church on Sunday, small groups, men’s or women’s ministry, grabbing coffee, inviting someone over for dinner.
But too often, we wait around for the “perfect” opportunity, thinking “Once my schedule clears up… once I find my people… once I feel more confident…”
But if we only wait, we risk missing the deeper connection we were made for. - Commitment
Real connection doesn’t happen without follow-through.
Commitment means showing up—even when it’s inconvenient, even when we’re tired, even when something “better” comes up.
Because meaningful relationships aren’t built on convenience. They’re built on devotion—choosing to prioritize people because they matter.
And here’s a tough but freeing truth:
We can’t have deep community without real commitment.
But when we commit to community, it changes everything.
Jesus’ Prayer for You—and What It Means for Friendship
Before going to the cross, Jesus prayed a powerful prayer in John 17. He prayed for his disciples—but he also prayed for you:
“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me and I in you…”
— John 17:20-21
Jesus’ vision for us is one of oneness. The same kind of love, unity, and intimacy He shares with the Father—He wants us to share with each other.
And this isn’t just spiritual language—it’s a radical vision for what Christian relationships are meant to look like:
Not surface-level. Not Sunday-only. But real, connected, vulnerable, committed.
That’s the heart behind the early church in Acts 2. After receiving the Holy Spirit, they didn’t just believe—they devoted themselves:
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer… All the believers were together and had everything in common…”
— Acts 2:42-44
This wasn’t passive. It wasn’t convenient.
It was commitment. It was community.
And it was worth it.
So… What’s Next for You?
At our church, we’re doing our best to provide opportunities for connection—events, small groups, gatherings. But we can’t make the commitment for you.
Here’s the question we’re all left with:
Are you willing to count the cost?
Are you ready to move from liking the idea of connection to actually experiencing it?
Yes, community is hard. Yes, it will cost you.
But the cost of staying disconnected is so much higher.
So let’s choose the better hard. Let’s choose connection.
You were made for it.